One evening, this past June, I was sitting in a tent in The Pumphouse theatre in Aldeburgh watching a live poetry reading. It’s a small venue in a disused church and inside in the dark were a half dozen rows of folding seats. The floor under mine was squeaky beneath my Crocs from spilled Adnams. Only seven of the seats were occupied. I think I was the only person there who wasn’t a friend, spouse, boyfriend or parent of one of the poets. And I was there by accident—having got my festival performance schedule mixed up. I was expecting a stand-up comedy act and it took me a few minutes to work out that the earnestly declaimed lines, read aloud from a slender chapbook collection, weren’t a sketch. But I soon found myself moved—less by the poems themselves, though I enjoyed them (the poets were
Aug 3, 2022·edited Aug 3, 2022Liked by Iona Italia
I'm curious. As a child, did you grow up in economic security? [Ah, nevermind. I read another another of your posts mentioning boarding school in England.]
When I was a child, there was a period of time when I was consumed with the thought that not only was I an economic burden to my parents, but that I might cause my entire family to become homeless should I require intensive medical care. I am almost 50 and to this day, I avoid medical care. Along similar lines, I have never once considered entering a profession that didn't promise financial stability. Even the thought of it is anxiety provoking.
I think ‘audience’ is misleading without possession attached. Whose audience? Some people’s lives and work have an audience of one. I don’t believe that to be intrinsically bad or unsuccessful (and I think your number is higher regardless).
Seeing how universal it is, not just among artists but also office workers, I expect the struggle with accepting one’s financial state and level of success is more about perception and comparison than it has to do with concrete reality.
Everything comes at a cost; on good days I call it a sacrifice. Something good willingly given up for something better. It hurts more when I don’t realize I’m making it until later, when my preferences aren’t conscious but revealed a la your consumer.
The people I most envy aren’t choosing one particular type of life, starving artist or successful entrepreneur. They’re the people who know what they want and live authentically within those desires. Some are artists, some aren’t. The people I struggle to empathize with the most are those who chase something inauthentically because they feel they should.
If you value money, chase it. If you value something else, chase that. If it hurts sometimes, that’s part of the sacrifice. But I have to think it hurts more chasing the thing you don’t value. (Still the general you.)
I believe I should have stopped after my first sentence. Now I’m left to wonder what my revealed preference to hit send says about me.
I sense a burning need to be free in you, Iona. In this you are a great success
I'm curious. As a child, did you grow up in economic security? [Ah, nevermind. I read another another of your posts mentioning boarding school in England.]
When I was a child, there was a period of time when I was consumed with the thought that not only was I an economic burden to my parents, but that I might cause my entire family to become homeless should I require intensive medical care. I am almost 50 and to this day, I avoid medical care. Along similar lines, I have never once considered entering a profession that didn't promise financial stability. Even the thought of it is anxiety provoking.
I envy you your freedom, knowing full well that even in my twenties, I am incapable of making these choices.
I like your work.
I think ‘audience’ is misleading without possession attached. Whose audience? Some people’s lives and work have an audience of one. I don’t believe that to be intrinsically bad or unsuccessful (and I think your number is higher regardless).
Seeing how universal it is, not just among artists but also office workers, I expect the struggle with accepting one’s financial state and level of success is more about perception and comparison than it has to do with concrete reality.
Everything comes at a cost; on good days I call it a sacrifice. Something good willingly given up for something better. It hurts more when I don’t realize I’m making it until later, when my preferences aren’t conscious but revealed a la your consumer.
The people I most envy aren’t choosing one particular type of life, starving artist or successful entrepreneur. They’re the people who know what they want and live authentically within those desires. Some are artists, some aren’t. The people I struggle to empathize with the most are those who chase something inauthentically because they feel they should.
If you value money, chase it. If you value something else, chase that. If it hurts sometimes, that’s part of the sacrifice. But I have to think it hurts more chasing the thing you don’t value. (Still the general you.)
I believe I should have stopped after my first sentence. Now I’m left to wonder what my revealed preference to hit send says about me.
All things in moderation.
>I’ve always been irresistibly attracted to activities that offer very little earning potential.
That's been my life :) At 53 I should know better, but just quit a well paying job to stick to the program.